Sunday, July 15, 2007


After years of being a coffee purist, and cruelly mocking a friend for saying something preposterous like "Do you know of any place between A-ville and B-sbrouough where I might stop off for a pot of tea," replying, "Oh I think there might be a quilt-store called Bless My Heart: Gifts Crafted By Grandma, right next to the smoldering maw of The Abyss. They might be able to get you a 'pot of tea' there" it seems only fair that I expose my well-publicized hypocrisy and out myself as a goddamn tea drinker.

I blame Terry for this. He is an unabashed epicurean snob and will score these expensive sooty Russian teas that taste the way a hundred years of Siberian suffering rendered sweetly on a stolen viola sounds. I don't drink the stuff at home, since the trappings of tea require more accouterments than I am willing to bring on board. Plus the people here tire quickly of my pretentious affectations.

I leave my new habit for the coffee shops I inhabit in la vie de bohème, since, er, tea is really cheap and one dinky pot can go a long way. The problem is: I have yet to find the Tea4Me. Perk's had a white tea with grapefruit that was heavenly (see? I want to beat up myself for saying that, but it was) in short supply and they pretend I'm making it up when I ask for it. Highland Coffees, purveyors of the finest espresso in the Greater Everywhere area, has a dozen or so jars of leafy nonsense that I am working through. I like the Fuji green tea's pert flavor, and, while the Lapsong Souchong I had this morning smelled like someone farted in a leather bag while it was brewing, tasted pretty good when the alchemy was done. But nothing readily available is quite ringing my bell like a double espresso with one cane sugar and a splash of milk does.

So pretentious tea people, turn me on with your soggy leaf advice. Don't make me Ask Meta Filter. We all know what kind of votex their advice opens up.


  1. I like the basic black or green stuff that brews to a nice brownish black.

    Maybe it's because I grew down south with iced tea, and always secretly wished we didn't have to ice it.

    But I don't go in for bagging my own leaves and all. CC's has some good ones... I like the minty ones.

    Whole foods has an overwhelming aisle of teas that enhance everything from eyesight to poop-ability.

    But my favorite thing is just to brew "Luzianne" and NOT ice it down.

    I'm sure somewhere they are sending someone to repossess the Mini Cooper - perhaps they will leave me a Monte Carlo.