Sunday, March 2, 2008

While "on down" there, they, in fact, did not even inquire about you, much less ask for you

The Audubon Zoo is:

  • A place I have not been to since roughly 1987,
    • Until today
    • Despite it being right down the road
  • Spelled "Audubon Zoo"
    • And not "Audobon Zoo"
    • Like I have thought my whole life
  • Actually a little short on the animal exposure, but big on the make a day of it thrills
    • Big carousel
    • Some simulation ride we didn't go on
    • Giant waterfall thing that
      • Every kid gets totally soaked on/in
      • Forces you to not think about the water in that waterfall
  • Replete with an elaborate "Mayan ruins" themed "Jaguar Jungle"
    • Very pleasing to a young girl named Maya who accompanied me
    • And made the most out of posing next to the "Explore the secrets of the Maya" sign while pointing to herself
  • Less expensive than the Aquarium
    • Which is also spelled "Audubon"
    • I mean, I have been surrounded by full-contact goddamn John James Audubon since I moved to Louisiana when I was ten, and I've always spelled it wrong
  • A place where lots of people pay $20 to make their kids cry by setting up rather uncreative paradoxes of rule breaking.
    • Life must be a constant Kobayashi Maru with these kids
    • Except in the end,
      • They get dragged off the playground
      • Instead of becoming captain of a glamorous space vessel
      • What does it say about me that I can spell "Kobayashi Maru" correctly, but not "Audubon"
  • An instigator of some witty kid humor from the aforementioned kid, Maya
    • And over here you find the North American Pile of Wood
    • Commonly found on (pause) trees
    • Etc etc
  • Accessible from downtown by the recently re-opened St. Charles streetcar, which
    • We rode across the city
    • Is touristy as hell
    • Still rather awesome and makes me love New Orleans some more every time I do it
  • Host, today anyway, of SoulFest where
    • I stood in a long line with the promise of a festival plate of
      • Smothered pork chop
      • Greens
      • Sweet potatoes
      • Cornbread
    • Only to find they were out, so I got a
      • Shrimp poboy
        • Perfect bread
        • Lousy shrimp
    • Which gave me
      • Heartburn
    • All while GRAMMY™-nominated R&B group Trin-I-Tee inexplicably blared the themes of the following TV programs in intricate R&B girl-group harmony
      • Cheers
      • Golden Girls
      • Some old New Orleans Christmas special that Trin (the lead one)
        • Appeared on as a child
        • Was rather incredulous that no-one else in the crowd recognized

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