While "on down" there, they, in fact, did not even inquire about you, much less ask for you

The Audubon Zoo is:

• A place I have not been to since roughly 1987,
  
  • Until today
    
  • Despite it being right down the road
    
• Spelled "Audubon Zoo"
  
  • And not "Audobon Zoo"
    
  • Like I have thought my whole life
    
• Actually a little short on the animal exposure, but big on the make a day of it thrills
  
  • Big carousel
    
  • Some simulation ride we didn't go on
    
  • Giant waterfall thing that
    
    • Every kid gets totally soaked on/in
      
    • Forces you to not think about the water in that waterfall
      
• Replete with an elaborate "Mayan ruins" themed "Jaguar Jungle"
  
  • Very pleasing to a young girl named Maya who accompanied me
    
  • And made the most out of posing next to the "Explore the secrets of the Maya" sign while pointing to herself
    
• Less expensive than the Aquarium
  
  • Which is also spelled "Audubon"
    
  • I mean, I have been surrounded by full-contact goddamn John James Audubon since I moved to Louisiana when I was ten, and I've always spelled it wrong
    
• A place where lots of people pay $20 to make their kids cry by setting up rather uncreative paradoxes of rule breaking.
  
  • Life must be a constant Kobayashi Maru with these kids
    
  • Except in the end,
    
    • They get dragged off the playground
      
    • Instead of becoming captain of a glamorous space vessel
    • What does it say about me that I can spell "Kobayashi Maru" correctly, but not "Audubon"
      
• An instigator of some witty kid humor from the aforementioned kid, Maya
  
  • And over here you find the North American Pile of Wood
    
  • Commonly found on (pause) trees
    
  • Etc etc
    
• Accessible from downtown by the recently re-opened St. Charles streetcar, which
  
  • We rode across the city
    
  • Is touristy as hell
    
  • Still rather awesome and makes me love New Orleans some more every time I do it
    
• Host, today anyway, of SoulFest where
  
  • I stood in a long line with the promise of a festival plate of
    
    • Smothered pork chop
      
    • Greens
      
    • Sweet potatoes
      
    • Cornbread
      
  • Only to find they were out, so I got a
    
    • Shrimp poboy
      
      • Perfect bread
        
      • Lousy shrimp
        
  • Which gave me
    
    • Heartburn
      
  • All while GRAMMY™-nominated R&B group Trin-I-Tee inexplicably blared the themes of the following TV programs in intricate R&B girl-group harmony
    
    • Cheers
      
    • Golden Girls
      
    • Some old New Orleans Christmas special that Trin (the lead one)
      
      • Appeared on as a child
        
      • Was rather incredulous that no-one else in the crowd recognized