Wednesday, July 4, 2007

cay-ann you sprinkle a little more denial on that? Theeannks.




















(written in mock-gay, self-congratulatory white dialect)

Notice what's peak-king up behind my delicious but overpriced SAlad from Whole Foods, The Beginning of the End of Poverty, a slogan tent for their founDATION and helps WOmen in South aMERica.

I love and hate Whole Foods. The Yuppie snob in me wants to try different chEESesss and some gr(ee)ains, but the white trash in me wants to get some McDonalds from down the STREE(i)t and eat it in they-err. I'm quite comfortable with hypocracy in my own practice, but when a boutique grocery store boasts the EEE-end of POvertY from their food court, It makes me cringe.

Whole Foods is no different than Apple or Saturn or any other company that has recognized the powerful Don't-demograph-ME demograPHIC of which I am a reluctant MEMBER, and courts it with a saltless mix of baby gree(i)ns, fat fear and a little Spanish Fly. Don't get me wro(u)ng, my salad was good, jack, but fuck, it BETTER Be if I am ending POVerty with it.

5 comments:

  1. am dying. my favorite wfm scam is when they have the big pink END BREAST CANCER bouquets and the big sign says FIVE DOLLARS FROM EVERY SALE OF BREAST-CANCER-ENDING BOUQUETS GOES TO END BREAST CANCER, which is fine, until you do yr math and see that the BREAST-CANCER BOUQUETS cost $5 more than comparable non-rescuing bouquets. it makes me want to bouquet-whip some motherfuckers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I heart Whole Foods, but at times am baffled by their statements, philosophies, prices, actions and products.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm openly hostile to them, but like most things to which I am openly hostile, it masks a not-so-secret crush

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love them and I hate them.

    Truth? Their stuff sometimes tastes bland... like it wasn't abused enough. Or maybe they should have used more pesticide.

    But because they are so slick and inviting, I assume it's my taste buds that are wrong. I assume it's years of taste-bud abuse that have gradually created a false preference for what I can only assume are "half" foods. So I keep going back... after all... my money is helping to end poverty and breast cancer! I hate myself a little (and try not to let the "Faded Glory" tag on my flip flops show) when I realize I'm just trying to fit in at Whole Foods.

    It's the opposite with Wal-mart, whose politics I question more, and who I've always wanted to rise above. I know my money isn't going for a good cause, but then again, I'm not paying $5 more for my flowers. I also sometimes can convince myself that I'm a little bit above the flourescently lit Wal-mart experience.

    So until I figure something else out... I'm usually with the other lost souls in Target's shiny halogen purgatory.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You're right, they are a big big evil corporation, and very very very Anti Union. Having worked there for two years I will never shop there again.

    ReplyDelete